Tribute to a Brilliant Kite Man

Uncle Chia Chung Ngee
1950 - 2010

My uncle is a handsome man.

My two cousins are testimony to that my aunt is not too bad neither.

Growing up, uncle and aunt treated all my siblings as their own, because we are about the same age as his two kids. Jern & Farn stayed with their grand parents, while uncle & aunt worked hard to ensure my cousins can afford the best education when they grow up. Jern and Farn shall consider lucky not to endure the strict discipline of my aunt as much as we did. Despite that, it would never deter me from going visiting them; uncle is a brilliant Kite craft man.

Recently, I discovered another hobby uncle and I have in common; our love for dogs. We would exchange notes on our pride and joy for hours. Him on his beloved Liko me, my Maki.

Dog lovers would tell you that the only way for them to give up their dogs is literally, over their dead body. As uncle grew weaker by the day, so did Liko. It came to a point where both the young and old are too much for aunt to handle. It was not until a hand written commandment from uncle that prompted Jern to send Liko off. The decision must have pierced the family's hearts like a needle.

Uncle and aunt delivered the most beautiful soap opera before my eyes, as I quietly watched true love exercised through much kindled care (of my aunt) to a man who barely looked half as beautiful as he once did. And my uncle gave up his much precious “other son” in order for relieve some of aunt’s burden. The story was to be perfected by Jern's full obedience to act on Uncle's wish against every wish in his bone.

Uncle left behind a few wishes: for Jern & Farn to believe in God, stay humble and take good care of mummy. There is no doubt in the world that they will deliver the latter. But if could speak on his behalf, what uncle was really asking, would have been for Jern & Farn to believe in God not only because of eternal life, but be able to find replacement in him through the living heavenly father.


End Note:

I delivered the story of True Love in my eulogy at the funeral yesterday morning. One that remotely resembles the typical romance you imagine. One that holds on to you, despite the fact that you are no longer attractive. One who cleans up after you, when you are no longer able to relief yourself. One who stands by you, no matter how tempermental, how unreasonable you are.

That morning, I wished my Cousin Ai Ai,to be able to find true love the way my uncle and aunt found each other.

The Audacity of Hope... in a toilet lady

A Caucasian friend once described the act of charging for toilet entrance as Barbaric. I digress.

I tested the notion of human kindness by begging the toilet lady to let me enter for free. I told her how “miskin” I was, and pleaded with her about my pregnant wife, my dog and a grand mother to support. When all that failed, I pulled off my Oscar Winning motion to convey the true urgency of the matter, yes I hopped!

I did it for three reasons:

1. I was bored while waiting for Deon do her shopping,
2. I wanted to be reminded of the importance of 20 cents*,
3. I was determined to make the toilet lady feel good about her job.

I could feel the instant shift in power. All of a sudden, I was at the mercy of the toilet lady. Her posture changed, her tone deepened. Me? I looked much like my puppy.

She knew I was tricking her, despite of my rustic demeanor, I could afford the 20c (I really could!).

I got a free entrance not because she was stupid enough to believe in my white lies. I closed the deal because we connected. I treated the toilet lady with dignity and respect. I looked her in the eyes, and bestowed to her a sense of pride and significance for a vocation most people overlooked. That or because it made her feel good in allowing a poor fella through for a nature relief.

I don’t know if I made the lady’s day through my toilet incident, but she certainly made mine. Through her empathy, it gave me a reason to believe in human kindness, a hope for a better Asia that is indeed very much within reach. That, and also because I triumphed in a negotiation! (Secret to happiness: Celebrate success, be it 20c or 20M!)

Lessons learned:

>>> Never underestimate the power of 20c.
>>> Perseverance and a bit of good acting goes a long way.
>>> Be nice to the toilet lady, she has more power than you think(really!).

* Disclaimer, the photo I took showed 50c per toilet entry. That was taken in a upper class shopping center. When you pay a premium, make sure you demand free tissue paper on the way in! Market price is 20c in Malaysia, or free, if you follow my steps. Don't get ripped off!

End notes:

>>> This particular toilet lady wouldn’t spill to me about her business secret. It didn’t deter me from interviewing the other toilet ladies about toilet traffic.

>>> On a weekend, there could be up to 80 people patronizing the public toilet in any given hour. Average of no more than 5 per hour on a quiet day.

>>> Do the math, you will discover that on their best day, they earn RM 16 per hour. That equates to A$ 5.50, three times lower than the minimum wages set for Australian workers.

>>> People in the developed country would question: whats the point? But this system generates clean toilets, employment and above all, an economy that actually adds up. If toilet is a retail business, it would easily have been my most visited shop in the 4 days of shopping trip. What opportunity then, would this represent?

Be That Other Hotel Thief

I visited Kota Kinabalu last week together with my wife. Before Deon could even open the newspaper, we were ready for landing. So close, and yet so far, it’s almost like Singapore (Brunei) and Johore Bharu (KK). Except that KK is exciting, vibrant and far more fun than JB and Brunei could ever be. However, the poverty level is still very much prevalent in KK as it is in JB.

One Borneo, the island’s biggest shopping mall exposes you to the world’s super brands, Starbucks, Levi’s, Nike, Adidas, Mac, FCUK and even MNG, which makes completely no sense at all, as the word Borneo rhymes with Jungle and Rain Forest!

The highlight of the trip was never One Borneo or any of the pleasing sales associates. Nor were the two (proper) massages in four days, although one per day would have been perfect (my body simply couldn't handle that). Seafood was brilliant, even that would have to rank third comparing to #2, which was finding Nemo in Manuka Island.

The highlight of my KK’s trip was each morning when I walked alone to the river bank to watch stall keepers setting up little shops, and be captivated by the early morning breeze while enjoying the crisp of fresh air when it is not too polluted by on going traffic, yet. (Disclosure: some places I pass by could smell the direct opposite of this description, but I choose to share my experiences half full.)

That of course, is just part of the story. The fun part comes when I get to talk to seemingly homeless children (apparently their mum would leave them hanging out at the stalls for the better part of the day, while they make a living) and watch them be kid, trying to con this foreigner (me) the little money he has in his pocket. Nothing gave me more joy than seeing their face lit up when I treated them to a stall to pick up whatever they want. For RM 9, I managed to buy each of them a coke, some snacks and some little toys that would probably give them enough satisfaction for the entire day, compare that to my rich cousins who wouldn’t have cared less.

They say football connects the world, this statement was tested with the kids, non of whom their name I remember. But each of them is a masterful impersonation of Brazilian, German, Argentina and Spainish star. Christiano Ronaldo of Portugal & Torre of Spain were the most popular, followed by Messi and Kaka. I visited the same kids three of the four mornings. Twice they were still sleeping on the crate. Not wanting to disturb them, I left some cakes I bought for them from the coffee shop on day #2 and passed some pictures that I took of them on the day I left. It must have been the boy's first time to see his own photo, the intense starre on the piece of picture was like nothing I’ve ever witnessed before. How do you forget that?

I also made friends with the family that have a hut facing the river. They survived by trading water with Islanders, and have been living in that condition for 15 years. Each day, I will do what Robin Hood does best, “taking” the shampoos, soaps, coffee and teas from hotel room and gave to them. Need I elaborate more on their appreciation?

Seeing these people, makes one wonder where is God? Does Jesus not care as much for them as he does for me? Why then the double standard? It dawn on me that perhaps God is giving the opportunity for we as Christian to shoulder on the responsibility in showing God’s love through our action. There is no other explaination.

I do not have the answer, but those few morning were sacred for me, as there was an overriding joy that came from connecting with these people, as Campolo so poignantly pointed out in his messages, we often find God in the least of these, referring to Matthew 25:40.

My mum would not have accused me of not going to Church that Sunday, I doubt I would have connected with God the same way as I did with Ronaldo, Torre and Kaka, if I had been to church that very Sunday.

I am in no intention at all writing this to impress you with my little acts, as they are truly miniature. But I hope to leave you with a couple of departing thoughts:

A/ It doesn’t have to cost much to make a difference, it takes heart.

B/ Connecting to God doesn't need to be in church. Confessing to God, does.(Just kidding, what do I know?!)

C/ The next time you travel, try stealing from the hotel in honour of me, and give to the needy(while saying this, my brother just got burglared in a hotel in Jakarta just yesterday, that is a whole other blog)!

D/ If you can, do not just take pictures of people on the street. Develop the pictures and give it to them. Watch their reaction - which may make a much better Kodak moment.

The money I spend on the needy was pocket change comparing to the 2 Puma Shirts I acquired at 50% off sale, or the spending on massages and finding Nemo, let alone the exquisite Seafood I enjoyed. I should have and could done a lot more.

The point is, non of the above gave me as much lasting joy as my early morning experiences. I am truly at the receiving end in the privilege to make a small difference that Friday, Saturday and Monday.

End note:

>>> If you want to be a thief, be that other thief of the hotel. Not the one that impersonates the hotel guest, open and empty one's safe box and steal one's laptop and take away one's Ipod. Yes, you, the guy who stole from my brother!

>>> This blog is dedicated to my sister Janet, who shared with me the walk to KK's wet market some 10 years ago. Wish you were there, sis.

>>> Tribute to the genesis of this idea, Gwen. Since we last spoke, I've also tapau-ed from wedding banquet left-over to give to the Thai construction worker near home. The act may not look good, but it definitely feels fantastic doing it!

The truth about MISSING THE POINT

As I am packing up for my vacation, I endeavoured to hide some of my most prized possessions, just in case my house gets broken into. Looking around my limited assets, the two easiest take away seems to be my much treasured portable Bose Ipod Dock and Sony digital photo frame, both of which were acquired at its prime, when they first surfaced the market.

The real treasures in the picture however, are the two wooden stools that the Gadgets rest on.

The stools had been with my Grandma in Miri for over 60 years! (I conned her into bartering the two wooden things with two deluxe brand news) They have withstood pressure from my uncles, my aunt and my fat cousins. My brother and I would have hopped on to it dozens of times, practicing Lion Dance and even used them as weapons against each other.

Grandma has 16 kids! Do the math, and you’d discover the multiplicity of people having utilised its service by my (3rd) generation.

The poor stools have finally found its resting place worthy of its stature (not having to undergo any further abuse), serving two state of the art digital gadgets like many of its masters, who were once at their prime.

I am not hiding my stools. The thief would never, in my wildest imagination, consider taking the old woods. The truth is, I will not think twice about trading in the Bose and the Sony for the two precious antiques largely overlooked by the world.

More Languages, Less Strangers

Monet, together with his colleague comes to mow my lawn once a month. I speak no Indian, and he speaks no Chinese or English. We found our middle ground in Malay. Monet has been in Brunei for 3 years, his command of Malay is exceptional. Compare that to my English friend who’s been in Brunei for the approximate same time; at his best, he could only utter the word “Alamak” to express his displeasure.

Difference here is, Monet, along with 10,000 Indians residing in Brunei have no choice but to adapt. Hence picked up the language much more quickly than the brilliant Englishmen.

Having been away from Brunei for a while, my wife’s spoken Malay is a little rusty. I often stood back to quietly observe the animation of her trying to give instruction to our casual Indonesian maid. Brutal as it may be, it is always pleasurable to watch in the spirit of fun.

On a regular basis, I will walk my dog, Maki to a construction site nearby to help supervise my brother’s new house. I could not go beyond "Sawadeekup" with my hands joined together as a gesture of friendship and goodwill to the Thai construction workers.

As a simple boy from KB, I offer no sophisticated thesis on Vision for a better Asia, other than; More Languages, Less Strangers.

My life would have been a lot more colorful if only I could speak Indian, Thai and a dozen of other languages. I am immensely fascinated by the stories Monet could have told me, only to be limited by the barrier of language.

We spoke the last time on the topic of arranged marriage. These are people, who have the very real firsthand experience of these occurrences in their life, if only it could be articulated better, I could have been enriched by the experiences of Monet and his family.

I took up Korean as an elective unit for my last year of University 10 years ago. You do not just learn a new language when you learn a new language. I learned the striking similarity between my culture and theirs, and I also learned the distinct differences; such as how far I have been westernized while my Korean friends uphold very traditional Confucious value. I hated the idea of Kimchi in my first encounter. For a period of our life in Australia, Deon and I could not live without adding Kimchi in our every meal.

This proposition goes beyond just adding a third language in every kid’s curriculum. Recommendation for a good night school for Indian, please!!!

End note:

I recently stumbled upon this quote from a great man:

"If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his language, that goes to his heart." Nelson Mandella

AMEN!

In the presence of GREATNESS

With the access to the worlds’ elite speakers free of charge online, (my favorite: TED), event organising across the border is no longer business as usual. Expectations are made higher, participants are more informed (with the ability to hook on to google and validate speaker's topic while he or she is still talking), there is every pressure for conference companies to contract the best and the most insightful speakers, adapt to change, in order to remain relevant.

Whether or not we stepped up to the plate today is for you to decide. But I certainly walked away enriched with more environmental awareness, opportunities and a sense of urgency to act as an individual as well as a corporate citizen, than I could ever imagine.

I met two of my heroes whom I did much prior research on, to assist in my sales pitch. One, Dorjee Sun, the other shall be remained nameless.

I did not know what to expect of Dorjee, except that he is passionate with his cause and is a super high achiever at a young age. I gathered from his tone in his Q&A response that he is fun and a down to earth, fellow Aussie.

Dorjee did not disappoint. The first encounter with him was pleasant. I picked up the camera on my right hand, utter afew stupid comments (which I often regret in hindsight) and took a snap shot of him and myself.

I wished I could tell him that I was his first official fan in Brunei, prior to anyone else who see his video and listen to him talk*, I digressed (he might think I am gay). Since I brought up the topic of Hugh Jackman’s involvement in his film, Dorjee happily rode on name dropping momentum. He said he recently got drunk with Harrison Ford, and met Elly McBeal on the same night. I told him, I would tell people that I recently met the person who recently got drunk with Harrison Ford & met Elly McBeal on the same night. Obviously he didn’t get my dry humour, I could only blame it on my Australian accent.

Beyond a documentary on environmental and social issue, the Burning Season to me is a business classic about perseverance, courage and marketing. By now, I have already forgotten 90% of the film and what he spoke about during the keynote session.

All I could recall was a few small talks we had on the walk back to the other conference hall. I observed in the film that despite the unsuccessful appeal for Starbucks to buy his idea, he turned around to convince Starbucks to sign a memo of support in lieu of a contract. I thought it was brilliant thinking, so smart that a plan B sure would have been in place for whatever possible scenario. So I asked Dorjee just that. True to my guesstmation, it was a planned effort (genius prediction)! Dorjee said he has a plan B,C,D,E,F,G & H for every situation. What impresses me more than a perfect reflex, is one who has the discipline in plotting through every possibility of a process. There is a reason why this kid achieves what he does today.

Dorjee’s mum & dad need to be very proud of this young man. Not only because of his accomplishments and trophies, but for the simple fact that they have raised their son well. When Dorjee spoke to me, he made me feel like I was the only person in the room. As you would expect, everyone wanted a piece of this poster boy today! In between interruption Dorjee would always gracefully apologise before being dragged away. I resisted the temptation make more contacts than I should, hence left our conversation at “the walk”.

The measure of man is not so much on how well they behave amongst the rich and famous, but how they treat the least of these. Dorjee, you did your reference on Rudyard Kipling's "IF" poem justice!

"If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch..."

If you are reading, Mr. & Mrs. Sun, good on you mate!

Dorjee, congratulations on being named Hero of the year, Time Magazine 2009. A much deserved one to an honourable man.

The second “hero” I met today remained a hero, only until we met. His credentials, seamless speaking ability and modesty in his manuscript literally took my breath away. It turned out; he was too busy looking through me for my more senior colleagues to engage with the whole time, despite my multiple attempts to sing to him “how great thou art”. Regardless of how brilliant he came across on paper and on the platform, his heroic position in my mind has unfortunately been given a red card.

All I can do is add him to the long list of “what-I-shall-not-do-when-I-am-famous-file”. You will meet such a celebrity along the way in life, and when it happens, do not be disheartened. There are a lot of better role models out there.

Welcome to Dorjee Sun’s fan club!

*True to my prediction, there was a long list of female fans lining up to Dorjee for autograph and pictures after his speech.



End notes:

Dorjee's story reminds me that Good business can be Profitable business, and as individual we all have a responsibility towards our next generation's future.

Dorjee visited over 200 companies to sell his Carbon Trading scheme before one said yes.

Two lessons learned from this:

Dorjee continued to rethink his pitch, until he perfected one that got across.

Dorjee, in his Q&A with Gwen mentioned that he was determined not to fail because every action he did was documented by National Geographic on film for two and a half years. Public humiliation with an unsuccesful story was too much for him to handle. Hence failure was not an option.

What if every bit of our life has been documented, would we have lived any differently?

As a matter of fact, we could actually live as though it is a reality show, and actually make dreams happen!